Yesterday I went to a conference "for my work" (aka a mothering conference) and I came away with insights that were different from that which were presented. I realized that I am getting old, for one thing. I have heard a lot of the theory that they presented and I know that a lot of it works, but now I am in the "exception" stage. "So what do you do when that doesn't actually work?" When I asked that sort of question they generally changed the subject. Parenting means that you are working with people who have free agency and they won't necessarily do the expected thing and their actions may have a lot more to do with them and issues they are facing than with any parenting style I am employing. So I decided that you have to know the theory and consistently use the appropriate methods, but you also have to be flexible and creative and accept that because of that free agency the kid may still have issues. But it's that mother love that keeps me coming back for more. I also realized that parenting styles are not concrete. I worry that my parenting style is a horrible mix of structure and freedom, but those are both things that I value and I won't give up either one. So, if it works for me, is it bad? It was an interesting day and I find myself thinking about theory and application a lot today.
The kids had a great Dad day with a movie, pizza and video games. "Let's do this more often!" Ah, mothering...
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2 comments:
Sounds like a wonderful conference and a great way to spend the day.
You have been at this job a few more years then I have, but I tend to agree with your explanation of parenting theories. I find that I have to have a different approach based on the child, the environment that we are currently in, even the time of day. I really hope that a mother’s love can fill in the cracks to the theories that I have not and probably won't ever master! Good for you that you keep trying.
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